I imagine this is a question that most people don’t get asked. It’s different from ‘what are you grateful for?’ and ‘what is important to you?’ Answering this question most definitely involves the heart. If I were to answer truthfully, I would say that what I treasure most is the deep bond I have with my female friends, who feel like sisters. I know that I can trust them with anything. They have sustained me through many difficult times.
My sisters understand me in ways that defy words. They accept me even when I am not at my best. And they love me even when I feel ugly. This is unconditional love and it is very hard to come by. The root of this unconditionality is acceptance. It makes all the difference in the world to have this in life.
Years ago, a dear friend sent me an email with a video about a physician who worked a 36 hour shift in the Emergency Room. Within that time, he revived three people. When each of them spoke, they all said the same thing: “Why did you bring me back?” They asked this question because when they died, they felt more unconditional acceptance there than they ever felt in their life. The obvious question needs to be asked.
Why did it take death for these people to experience unconditional acceptance? What is wrong in our culture that people can not find acceptance or unconditional love? Why has this become so difficult? Where has all of the judgment come from?
When I look back, I remember something that frequently happened in middle school, high school and college. We were asked to “compare and contrast” topics, situations and people in tests and papers. This was a consistently strong pattern, which over time, probably reprogrammed our brains to actually look for differences. When this behavior becomes automatic, it does not serve individuals or humanity.
We need more unity and cooperation not division and separation. Life can not be defined in black and white terms. Most of life exists in the gray zone. Having an “us or them” mentality is the root of many problems on our planet. Unfortunately, the enormous realms of sports and politics only serve to support and reinforce this theme. By design, they will always produce winners and losers.
Social media is another platform that does not serve humanity well. In fact, it has been found to make people’s lives worse. A great deal of research has been done on the negative affects of it. One study which focused on vibrant confident 9 year old girls, revealed that they lost their confidence, once they started using social media.
Another study revealed that social media makes teenages feel very self-conscious and insecure, leading to increased feelings of depression, anxiety, poor body image and loneliness. (See Child Mind Institute: How using social media affects teenagers.) They report that “..kids are growing up with more anxiety and less self-esteem.” These things are rooted in a lack of acceptance and a lack of love.
When we come from love, we will see that all of our differences can actually make all of us stronger.
As we move through life, let’s make a bigger effort to observe ourselves when we interact with people. Let’s try to be more loving and more accepting of others, so that we don’t have to wait until the next world, to experience unconditional love and acceptance.